I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
