This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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