The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
