Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
