I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
