just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
