i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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