also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
