hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
