I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
