I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
