We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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