wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
