My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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