Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
