This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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