I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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