I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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