I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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