Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
