This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
