hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
