I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
