i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's always time for handjobs
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
