don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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