OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
