I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
