More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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