guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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