I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
