i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
