I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
