holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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