I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
