i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
