there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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