i just sent this text using only my big toe
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
