What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
