if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
