i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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