I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize