Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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