I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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