i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
