Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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