oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize