It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
