Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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