they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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