Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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