he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
