He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we made out on top of his cat.
she peed on how many people?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
