so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
