All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
