She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
