Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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