Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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