Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She bit a glass in half.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
