A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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