if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
