i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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