In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
