Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Mom said you looked used
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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