Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mom said you looked used
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
