I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
