false alarm. still invincible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
