I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
