Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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