So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Randomize
