new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
