you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
