Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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