pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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