i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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