I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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