If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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