Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who did Billy Mays play for?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm both gender and math confused
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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