y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
