WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
