I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
