the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
