i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hippo gnu deer
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He has the fingertips of a God
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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