A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
