Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
