i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
